Note: this piece originally appeared in the Mass Media.
March 1 was Self-Harm Awareness Day.
And while we are well into March now, I want to address this important topic.
The American Psychological Association found that about 27 percent of teens and young adults have experience with some form of self-harm.
Historically, the conversation on self-harm has been centered on the idea that those who harm are selfish, simply looking for attention, or acting out. And that’s ridiculous.
Many individuals use self-harm as a way to get the release they need from their own anxieties, and I would never think to accuse a self-harming person of being selfish. Because living with an inclination to self-harm is not a joyous circumstance. People don’t wake up with the desire to just hurt themselves. It is brought on by any number of environmental, physical, mental, and psychological aspects.
None of which, in my opinion, are selfish.
It’s not an easy life whatsoever. But it is my life.
I have a history of cutting, drowning, bulimia, and starvation in order to harm myself.
My self-harm stems from a number of things—depression, anxiety, body image issues, being an alienating ADHD kid growing up/also as an adult, and from being queer.
I often felt like an outcast among my friends growing up and even though they were nice to me, I never truly felt like I was accepted by any of them. My depression as a teen led me to attempting to take my own life, and I survived. Obviously.
I now have a tattoo covering the scars from the first attempt.
My second attempt came after a rough breakup during my third year of college.
My attempts did not make feel any better about my circumstances, if anything I felt worse. And if I was trying to get attention, it didn’t work because I still felt sad and alone.
However, I found myself able to push through the darkness to continue through my days and surely I would feel better and better. But even on my best days, the darkness creeps in and I break down. I have no idea how many plans I’ve had to cancel because my depression or anxiety was acting up.
Living with suicidality means confronting the darkness every day. I have to constantly repress the feelings of sadness and the inclination to hurt myself in various ways.
One of the best ways I’ve found to do this is through practicing self-love.
Finding ways to promote self-love in your daily life is an important goal in which to strive. LifeHack.com has a wonderful piece on 30 ways to practice self-love and be good to yourself, in which the author writes, “Practicing self-love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times when we face serious challenges. It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness.”
Again, this is not about selfishness, it’s about literally taking care of yourself. Taking care of your happiness and wellbeing. To me, that’s the most important aspect of alleviating feelings of self-harm. Self-love is as simple as leaving yourself positive messages in your lunch box, or removing yourself from toxic mindsets of comparison and/or competition with others.
Much self-harm resonates from places of comparison and it is imperative for your health to focus on being the best you instead of trying to compare to anyone around you.
Learn to say, “no,” more often. Prioritize eating tasty foods that don’t bog you down every day. Avoid drugs and/or alcohol. Focus on the good things that make you unique and special.
I paint and make music, so those are two ways that I am able to exercise my brain instead of constantly thinking of self-harm. Art has been so impactful for my mental health that I don’t believe I’d still be alive if it weren’t for my art.
Exercise, in general! Getting outside is incredibly powerful for your brain.
Only you can take care of you, but sometimes it is important to reach out for support. Which is why I also suggest making time to be present with your friends, your loved ones. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it—chances are that you’ll find more love than rejection if you are honest about your situation.
Lastly, take care of yourself out there! If you aren’t sure about how your mental health is impacting you, reach out to the good folks in University Health Services, they are available to help you with anything you might need.
And as always, if you ever want to talk, my office is in Campus Center 3407—third floor, in the Student Activities office! Come chat!
Be well. Stay curious.
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