The Podcast, the PechaKucha & a Pipebomb: Some Reflections on Ego

Taking a closer look at some strange things that have happened to me over the last couple of weeks, while also taking a harsh look at myself, and the field as a whole in terms of ego attachment and learning.

Hey folks!

Firstly, I want to thank the awesome folks over at Check I’m Here for including me on their list of 25 Intrapreneurs in Student Affairs!This was a very cool project to be a part of and I’m stoked that I was considered in such great company! 

Now! To the heart of the post—ego and vanity.

One quick thing!

The structure of the three P’s in the title of this piece are a reference to mewithoutYou’s song, “The Fox, the Crow, the Cookie,” which is also a reference to Aesop’s fable, “The Fox and the Crow,” and a reference to the teachings of Sufi mystic Bawa Muhaiyaddeen, who writes tirelessly about individuals being aware of the shortcomings of vanity and ego attachment.

I wanted to present this blog post in a way that represented my own frustrations with ego attachment in our field. Even with my own attachments to my perceptions of self and projections of self, I am constantly challenging myself to consider and reconsider the energy I put into the world. With this, I know that social media has complicated much of how we interact and perceive each other.

And with how we judge and bully each other.

I have been considered a troll in some circles—which, admittedly, sometimes I do push a little too much or just stroll through a conversation with no intention of being serious. Just to have some fun—but most of the time I do this out of the belief that TOO MANY PEOPLE in our field take themselves TOO seriously.

We’re in student affairs, we should have a sense of humor.

We should have fun. We should also be respectful of each other.

And when I push, I generally have the intent to simply be curious.

I am a curious person.

I am also humble in my lack of knowledge on many topics.

So I ask questions.

I also identify as a punk; so yes, I will challenge the injustices that I see.

And I will call them out—I feel like I’ve developed this reputation.

But I’ve never responded with any sort of malicious intent.

That’s not me.

Sure, I can be facetious and silly, but I’ll never take my rage out on someone in any destructive way.

Yet, many people are so afraid to be challenged—especially in the SA Facebook threads—that they take everything as a personal attack. Some folks even go so far as to block someone on social media as a means to leave a conversation. Instead of acknowledging that as a field of educators, we should be asking questions.

We should be challenging each other.

We shouldn’t agree on everything.

We should push back when we disagree.

That’s how learning happens.

But people get too stuck in their egos, or in their degrees, or titles, or doctorates, and don’t take the moment to consider that perhaps we all still have SOMETHING to learn. A degree doesn’t just make you an expert and then the learning is done.

We are a field of educators. The learning is never done.

You have to keep learning.

So let’s lose the ego. Shall we?

Made this motivational poster for my office and it comes in handy for me here!

The Podcast

It’s been a weird week or two for me.

Many folks know that, through a podcast episode, I was the target of some unnecessary and outrageous online bullying from the owner of a Higher Ed company that will remain nameless for the sake of ensuring their site gets no more hits.

In this podcast, I was indirectly labeled a “troll,” “unprofessional,” “childish,” and “a rookie.”

All labels that, sure, could describe me.

But I’d prefer not to have someone I do not know and does not know me berating me in this way.

This was a strange thing to experience publicly.

I wasn’t necessarily hurt by it. Instead, I was confused.

I was confused by the lack of understanding on behalf of the podcast creator of how this approach would ultimately undue the work they had done building their own brand.

Because the online support for me was immediate and intense.

I am thankful for the networks I have created within this field—both online and in human, physical form. Because it goes to show that if you put your true authentic self out there into the world, many folks will gravitate and support you—especially in times of need and chaos. I think this is also proven by the immense amount of support I received from folks in regard to the art I produced during my job search. So many people stepped up to support me and Katy during that time, and I am so thankful.

So, to anyone who spoke out against this egregious form of bullying, thank you.

And to anyone who reached out to me personally, thank you.

My Facebook inbox was flooded with messages of encouragement, and I am so thankful for the support I received.

The upsetting part of this podcast bullshit is that the podcast creator dragged my art into this mess—a line in the episode that made it veritably clear who he was referencing through the entire 40-minute subtweet episode.

The frustrating part of that aspect was that the same person, just over a month ago suggested a collaboration, in which I would create art for their company, they would brand it, and sell it for me.

I declined.

So when my art was unnecessarily dragged through the mud, I took more offense with that than being called any number of names.

This MLK quote piece I made for a colleague is a
great reminder to be a person of integrity and to always
stand on the right side of history.

What this experience explicitly taught me is that our egos are fragile.

We build up this idea of ourselves that is untouchable.

We hide behind degrees and titles and think that we are impenetrable.

But we aren’t. We need to be able to admit when we are wrong.

And in the instance of challenging this person, I wasn’t necessarily innocent because I admit that I did challenge him unceasingly. However, it was primarily done because the person made some phone calls to my personal phone and left some snide voicemails—which was absolutely unnecessary and excessive. (Note: They had my phone number because of the aforementioned attempt to brand my art.)

So I pushed back on that as well.

Because it wasn’t cool.

Alas, going back to having a sense of humor about things, this situation was pretty hilarious to me for one specific reason—the amount of ego fragility it took to create a podcast complaining about being challenged by a young professional is sort of funny to me because it proved who the real childish person was in this situation. Instead of engaging constructively with me, this individual felt that their ego had been attacked, and that I made this personal.

When I never did any such thing. I didn’t call them on their personal phone.

Instead, this individual made it personal by calling me out in a very public way.

This is bullying. And it’s not okay.

I’ve taken A LOT of time to reflect on this in the two weeks since this podcast was published. All I’ve come to terms with is the reality that we all must take responsibility what we put into the world.

Especially, me, as a challenger of the system as someone within the system—which, those who know me well know that I tend to take responsibility almost immediately in most situations in which I am proven wrong or when I might act out of line.

As should the creator of the podcast.

However, the prompt apology we received as a field had the collective tone of “we’re (as a company) sorry you got mad at how we feel.” Which felt like a cheap shot.

The apology was insincere and had no direction toward the person attacked on the podcast—me. And the apology was representative of a company. Not of the person who made the podcast.

The person couldn’t even muster up their own ego to admit that THEY, the human being, were wrong in this situation. This was a failure caused by ego fragility—the inability to truly admit when you did something wrong. Instead of owning up to their actions, they hid behind their company. Awesome.

Well done. 

The PechaKucha

Last week, I presented a PechaKucha talk at the ACPA Convention in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. This was my first time out of the states and it was also my first time at an ACPA Convention.

I’m not gonna write much of anything new about this PK because much of what I want to write is covered in the PK talk itself. You can even watch the video below! I have also covered much of this in the blog post about my job search!

And what I want to underline in this post are a few lines from my PK talk and what I hope to extrapolate from them.

“We need to focus on mental health, financial literacy, and wellness.”

I stand by this statement 100%

I believe that helping graduate students and new professionals with the professional aspects of a job search—resumes, interview prep, cover letters, attire—are all important, but we also need to prepare students for the reality of longer searches.

Searches that don’t end in May (or sooner) thanks to TPE.

Searches that don’t end in the summer.

Searches that don’t end in the fall.

Searches that extend into the winter or Spring semester.

Searches that can take multiple years to complete.

We NEED to prepare students for the mental health toll this takes on someone. We NEED to prepare students for the financial toll this takes on someone. And we need to educate folks on how to take care of their overall wellness during these longer searches.

It’s so important to keep our wellness at the forefront of everything we do.

“Fuck the phrase, ‘trust the process.’”

I knew this would be quite the doozy of a quote during the convention, and I was right. My point wasn’t to just gratuitously swear, but to make a point.

I’m sick of people using this phrase, “trust the process.”

Newsflash, as I said above, the search process is NOT the same for everyone!

So, let’s drop this empty rhetoric and simply tell people, “be patient.”

That’s a better way of helping someone rather than giving them any false hopes that a job is just gonna happen because it’s part of a “process.”

There is no process.

[Note: If anything, we need to revisit the entire hiring practices within student affairs/higher education. But that’s a completely different post for perhaps a different person to handle.]

“Our health is more important than a job.”

 Again, another truth.

As my job search progressed, I felt terrible about myself and about my health.

I wasn’t taking care of myself, and the length of my search was a reality I never thought I’d have to face. However, due to the search taking so long, I am now very aware of the importance that our health has on the job search.

If we can’t take care of ourselves, can we actually even hold down a job?

Doing this talk was incredibly cathartic for me.

Two years ago, this was a big goal that I set for myself—I wanted to perform a PK talk at ACPA.

I told myself I was going to do it, and once I had a story to tell, I submitted it and it was accepted! I was stoked! It was even accepted with the caveat that I hadn’t actually secured a job just yet, but that I would have one of two endings. I’m glad it was a happy ending.

The story I shared is real, and quite condensed. But it is my story.

My job search humbled the hell out of me.

My ego was HUGE going into the job search, but reality quickly took me down and I learned the hard way how to keep yourself in check. Never get too confident that you can’t see the reality of the circumstances around you.

And boy! Was my ego inflated after this PK talk.

I admit it, it felt good to be on the big stage.

It felt good to have a microphone.

It even felt good to close the event. I could say that Paul Gordon Brown and Josie Ahlquist were my opening acts, haha! I even joked with them about that. Talk about EGO—am I right?

And the social media engagements were INCREDIBLE!

Streaming my talk live on Periscope was a good idea.

But damn, it went to my head.

Greedily, I loved the attention. For the sake of my ego, I need to admit that.

And I hate that. I hate feeling like achieving something makes me also feel guilty. I have had an attention seeking personality for my entire life, and I often have to remind myself to not overcommit or try to be the center of every conversation. It’s quite the paradox to live with.

But doing this PK was also quite humbling because it was the first time I had truly felt good about myself in months. I was finally publicly talking about a subject matter in which I was personally humbled for about 10 months of my job search.

During that job search, I was physically put through the wringer. I was emotionally ground to a fine powder.

So being able to share my story and share my truth felt great. And I am glad it has already resonated with so many people. Being humbled by my job search was probably the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me because I am now keenly aware of my place in the universe.

I am just a person trying to educate other people on how to be better people.

That’s it. Plain and simple.

So let’s lose the ego.

Shall we?

a Pipebomb

Immediately following my PK talk, I dropped what, in the world of professional wrestling, is called a pipebomb—an unfiltered, unscripted moment of reality breaking through the performance.

I sat down on the stage and made a plea during my pipebomb moment (an homage to CMPunk—shout out to the SAKliq!) for our field to focus on the development of younger/newer student affairs professionals and graduate students outside of just professional means. But to also focus on supporting their mental health.

I know I harp on mental health a lot, but it’s so important.

I’d rather we talk about mental health forever than never mention it again.

This pipebomb (which is the last two minutes of the above PK talk) was a way for me to fully address the podcast situation that occurred two weeks ago, and to take a stand on the state of our field in regard to the way graduate students and new professionals are treated.

“It is imperative in our field that we support young professionals and that we
support grad students and that we do not see them as anything
lesser in this field just because we are new.”

I have had many conversations with folks who have been victims of work place and online bullying over the last couple of weeks and it breaks my heart. New professionals and seasoned professionals who have to put up with heinous passive aggressiveness and outward aggressiveness at their workplace.

This is a disgusting reality in all fields. And I hate it.

Every time I hear a story of someone using their power or ego to subvert or oppress another human being, I lose my belief in the goodness of people. And I hate that as well.

I want to believe in us as a field, as a people.

But we need to believe in us as well.

We need to believe in the value that we all bring to the field.

We need to quit it with this hierarchal vision that years of experience equals the amount of knowledge someone possesses.

Workplace bullying and professional microaggressions are rooted in power, class oppression and privilege. We need to be aware of this and challenge this shit.

People are people. And we need to love and support each other if we’re gonna survive as a field.

“So really focus on how you treat everyone in this field. I’ve seen so many stories
of workplace bullying in just the last few days online and I’m so
glad people are speaking out about it because it is so important
that if we want to see our field succeed, we need to take care of
each other and not be at odds with each other.”

Our field CANNOT succeed if we don’t get over our egos.

Your titles are meaningless outside of your office, your campus.

Your degrees are meaningless outside of academia.

Our field needs to collectively get over itself or we are doomed.

We are just people trying to help younger people eventually be better older people like us!

I don’t think I can put it any simpler.

So let’s lose the ego, shall we?

I appreciate the commentary Stacy Oliver-Sikorski lent to this situation. It added a much-needed focus on workplace bullying, and really got a lot of folks fired up about sharing their stories.

The only point that I would add to Stacy’s commentary is that MANY of us are guilty of bullying in some form or another—either online or in physical human form. And most of us either don't know it or aren't willing to admit it because our egos get in the way.

I know I am definitely guilty to some degree. And I own that.

We can call out all of the bullying we want, but ultimately, we must be willing to be self-aware of the actions and perceptions we place into the world.

I know that I am a boisterous human being.

And I KNOW that some folks have probably felt somewhat offended or annoyed with things that I’ve said.

I am very self-aware of this about myself—I’m the first to admit it.

And I recognize that I might challenge and push back against some ideas/posts online, which, to me, is a natural way of learning—we learn by life’s challenges and all that inspirational whatever. But ultimately, I know that some of my approaches might genuinely come off as trolling, and for that I am trying my best to avoid alienating anyone in my network by doing so.

Yet, I will never stop being critical of this field and I will never stop challenging the people who work in this field.

Because I love this field.

It was an honor to present with these incredible people!

I love working with students. I have dedicated the last six years of my life to working with students, to improve their social wellness, mental health, physical health, and sexual health—that’s my mission in student affairs. Yes, I tend to do things my way, in a somewhat unconventional or “radical” way, but I’ve found success in my approach.

My supervisor appreciates my approach to working with students, and my students love that I give them 100% me all the time. I am honest with them all the time that while I have a lot to give, I still have a lot to learn, and the learning is never done.

And I hope that this post encourages more people to challenge me civilly, too!

I welcome it! I want to learn, so push back!

Some Reflections

As I reflected on doing this PechaKucha, I thought to myself how cool it is that our field has incorporated a way for many of us to share our stories in creative ways—outside of the traditional presentation format. Yet, in giving many of us this stage, I want to remain cognizant of the fact that we are all just people who work with students, and just HAPPEN to do some pretty cool things.

The creation of student affairs celebrities is sort of weird to me, and I actively resent it. Because we are JUST people. Yet, thanks to the internet, we have found ways to put ourselves out there fairly consistently, and those with the heaviest hustle tend to be the ones showing up the most in feeds, which is cool and all, but a little too inflating.

I love the way many of us are given the opportunity to use our voice to share our stories and share our ideas, and I will always use mine to speak up for the underrepresented and those seeking truth and liberation. And as I’ve become more of an outspoken figure in the field, I am very aware that I need to be conscious of what I put into the world. But I will never stop being myself.

I will never stop speaking out.

I will never stop being me—unapologetically cynical, cautiously optimistic, and contagiously enthusiastic!

ALL CAPS! ALL DAY!

Very thankful for my #SAKliq family.
Many of whom have been huge supports for me over the last year!

That said, I am going to also continue being very aware of my ego, my pretentiousness, and my trolling tendencies. This is me holding myself accountable here, folks!

And I hope we can all agree to be more aware of our egos, please.

It will help for the longevity of our field.

I would love to see less arguing on the SA Facebook threads. I see plenty of civil conversations in other groups, but for some reason, folks get too riled up in their egos to admit when we’re wrong or that we have limited knowledge on something.

That shouldn’t be seen as a point of failure, it should be seen as a willingness to learn.

Be humble with what you don’t know.

I feel like I don’t know shit. So I ask questions.

And I ask for resources, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS

And neither do you, probably.

The royal you. The reader. You.

Moving on—

If we set aside our differences to discuss topics in a meaningful manner, without getting to inside our ego about being challenged, we will grow as a field.

So, let’s lose the ego. Shall we?

Alright, I think that’s it for this post.

Stay tuned, I have a pretty huge announcement at the end of the month!

Connect on Twitter or LinkedIn or check out my art here!

Be well. Stay Curious.

-Craig.